. . . Nonprofit Chronicles

. . .

Undercover girl reporter Constance Kandle joins the club with the first installment of her investigative series, the Nonprofit Chronicles, featuring Bossy the Clown:

Here Comes Bossy

Bossy's Day
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9:45 Arrive at the office

9:45-10:05 Call Dad to thank him for the credit card bailout, complain a little about the struggle of working "40 plus hours per week," and promise that his money really will go to pay off debts

10:05-10:10 Talk to personnel manager about candidates for director of the institution, "even though my opinion doesn't count for much around here anyway." Express concern about "the first guy," who seemed nice but used "embarrassingly low-resolution" digital images in his presentation to staff: "We're arts professionals! He should have known better than that!"

10:10-10-12 Leave phone messages for friends on the East Coast

10:12-10:15 Read email

10:15-10:35 Call a friend to discuss the breakup of her marriage

10:35-10:40 Tell Constance about breakup of friend's marriage and difficulty of being a shoulder to cry on

10:40-10:45 Cigarette break

10:45-10:50 Call back friend on East Coast who called during cigarette break; tell her too busy to talk

10:50 Leave for an optometrist appointment, after asking Constance to make sure to be around at 1:00 to open the research center (it's Bossy's day to sit at the desk) in case nobody else can get back from lunch in time

. . .

Now for something we hope you'll really like: a new installment of Constance Kandle's Nonprofit Chronicles, featuring Bossy the Clown!

Bossy Wants to Know

"I need you to give me a new copy of that report right away..."
"Because I had it right here, on top of this pile, and now it's gone..."
"OK, I know I'm unorganized sometimes, but I have other redeeming qualities, right?..."

. . .

Speaking of which, here's Constance Kandle's Nonprofit Chronicles, featuring Bossy the Clown:

Bossy's Reputation Is at Stake

Recently there was a power outage at the nonprofit. Everyone felt their way out of the building (all the bulbs in the emergency lights were blown) and waited around outside for an hour or so before going home for the day.

A few hours later, Constance got a frantic call from Bossy. "Where are you? I just called the office and nobody was there. What if the Big Boss notices you're not there? It makes me look terrible if everybody from my department is gone. I mean, I couldn't possibly be there -- I had to go to my riding lesson, because even if I don't go to the stable I still have to pay for it, but you could have waited, just in case the power came back on..."

. . .

Mondays got you down? All you need is a good dose of Bossy's Time Management, courtesy of Constance Kandle's Nonprofit Chronicles and Bossy the Clown:

Bossy likes to check in with her staff for a little chat at the start of each day. This morning she had a lot to talk about: she's been feeling a little under the weather; her best friend is still getting a divorce, which is very stressful for Bossy; she went to an interesting class on rose pruning this weekend; she's not sure whether to take time off next week to get a mud bath; she has too many houseguests. By the way, what is Constance doing?

Constance: "I thought I'd take a few minutes to reorganize these files."

Bossy: "I don't want you spending your time on that. Every minute counts. Now, I've got to go and make some phone calls -- you know how hard it is to get plane reservations at this time of year..."

. . .

This week, Constance Kandle's Nonprofit Chronicles leaves Bossy the Clown aside for a look at The Big Boss and The New Diversity:

There's a new Big Boss at the nonprofit, and he wants his staff to know he's culturally sensitive. At a recent staff breakfast, he introduced himself to his new employees by telling them a little about himself:

"My personal style has sometimes been described as aggressive and hostile. I think that's because I come from a heritage of embattled minority cultures. My grandfather was Catalan; in fact my name is an anglicized version of the Catalan word for 'lawyer.' And my grandma was Scottish. So you might see how we would have an underdog mentality."

Constance has a few questions about this. To begin with, how did the Big Boss manage to have only two grandparents?

Let's all share a moment of silence in memory of those beleaguered Catalans and Scots (not to mention lawyers) who've never been granted the dignity of an official US holiday. Perhaps only the English aristocracy has been treated so shabbily on our shores....

. . .

So I was collecting the empties from under my desk yesterday when what should I find but a previously unpublished installment of Constance Kandle's Nonprofit Chronicles featuring Bossy the Clown! It may not be so timely anymore but Kandle sacrificed her life to capture this story and the least you can do is read it.

Bossy the Optimist

From Bossy's recent report to the agency that funds The Big Project:

"Also in this grant period, Constance Kandle attended a professional conference. This was a valuable experience, as it confirmed that all of the methodologies used in The Big Project are correct and in conformance with national standards.

"We have also been involved in discussions with authorities on the evolving legal issues that impact our Project, and we are confident that everything will turn out in our favor."

(Constance would have suggested some revisions to these paragraphs, but Bossy asked for comments on this draft of the report five minutes before it was due to be picked up by Federal Express. )

. . .

It's a time of transition: candidates stagger mire-choked toward the White House, a new crop of serially-processed hops is vomited over the campus, and here in California the very earth shifts in its sleep.... Thus it is that we come to the final chapter of Constance Kandle's Nonprofit Chronicles. Kandle has bade farewell to Bossy the Clown and ridden forth. (And good riddens.) Don't forget us, Constance Kandle! For we will never forget you.

Bossy's Theory of Time Management and Compensation, Part 2

Excerpt from a phone call from Bossy to the head of a professional association:

"You know, if you want me to do work for the Association, you're going to have to set up a budget for staff. The last person who worked on the project I'm doing used up a lot of her employer's time -- she got paid while she did the work. I don't have that luxury -- I work for the Association as a volunteer, my organization has no funds to contribute to this -- I'm not getting paid a dime."

Bossy made this call at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday, from her office at the nonprofit. The phone call was to Association headquarters in Belgium and lasted for four hours.


Copyright to contributed work and quoted correspondence remains with the original authors.
Public domain work remains in the public domain.
All other material: Copyright 2015 Ray Davis.